Eating dinner while standing at the counter

Holly’s friend Caroline seemed to think it was odd that I apologized to her for standing at the kitchen counter to eat dinner last night. “I never knew it was bad manners to do that,” she said sweetly, and I appreciated her leniency although I realize it’s something of a can’t-miss to seek etiquette approval from seven-year-olds.

Still, I apologized, because eating while standing at the counter bothers me on principle. Both the girls were sitting quietly on bar stools and I knew I should do the same, if not go the extra measure and have all of us sitting at the table, but the temptation to be lax was too great. Rick and Tim were at one of their many evening baseball games, and Holly and her friend had each other for dinnertime conversation (which in this case was about mermaids, I believe).

When all four of us are home at dinnertime, we almost always sit down together to eat. It’s a tenet I’ve heard dozens of times throughout my eleven years of parenting: eating an organized dinner together is paramount to the success and durability of the family unit. Well, maybe it’s not quite that extreme, but the experts are nearly unanimous on the importance of a family dinner hour.

And I know dinnertime deserves no less respect when it involves half the family rather than all four, or two of us and a guest like last night. But it also always seems like such a convenient time to get other tasks done: unloading the dishwasher, in this case. Sure I could sit down with the girls, but then I’d still have the dishwasher to unload when the meal was over. Why not double up, multitask, and enjoy more time with them after dinner?

Well, because that’s not how it works, of course. Finishing one task such as the dishwasher never means you suddenly have free time; it means you can get on to the next task. Having put away the dishes while I ate, I didn’t then say to the girls, “Okay, now I have twenty free minutes! Fill me in on the mermaid discussion!” Instead, I went on to opening the mail.

Several years ago I attended a talk on the topic of mindful living. The speaker cautioned the audience not to do anything else while eating other than enjoy conversation if you have company or silence if you are alone. She said she didn’t even consider listening to music an appropriate option while eating because your focus should be exclusively on the companionship and the food.

I agree with her when companionship is an option, but I can’t imagine requiring myself to sit in silence without any other activity while eating just because I’m alone. I love my occasional habit of sitting down to the Sunday paper over a solitary breakfast after everyone else has moved on to other activities. During the work week when the kids are at school, I often use lunchtime to peruse websites and blogs of interest while I eat. Not doing anything else while eating alone seems kind of like a waste of time.

The truth is that I hardly ever do it, though: read the paper or sit in silence while eating. I multi-task, just like I was doing last night in front of the girls. And I apologized to them just as I apologize sometimes to myself and even to the food that I’ve carefully prepared when I don’t give it my full attention. Failing to focus on mealtime short-shrifts everyone. It’s a bad habit that I will try harder to overcome. I’ll try even knowing that from the viewpoint of Holly and her friends, if you can’t hold up your end of the mermaid discussion, you might as well go ahead and unload the dishwasher.